WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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