Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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