Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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