I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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