she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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