hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
