why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
