Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
