So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
