As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
