guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
