So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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