Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
