and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
