My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
