im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
