where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
