you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
