i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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