Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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