Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
