HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
