So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She needs sedatives and a leash
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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