She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
