Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
