How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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