would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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