Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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