tell your sister to shave her snatch
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
