there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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