I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
