Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
