He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
