I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
