I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
