just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Randomize
