i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
