twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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