oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
