11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
