I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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