I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
