i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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