did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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