I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
