You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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