If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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