It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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