Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize