at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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