omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
