p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
