i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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