I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
