imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
