I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
