I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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