so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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