Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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