Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
