Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
