My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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