i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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