I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need water and some morals
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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