Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
