dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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