I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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