When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
